My heart's familiar ache

It's so much more than a desire.
It's a yearning...a pull...an intense, nonsensical "need".
I am positively UNable to explain this in a way that will even come close to revealing the crave of it.

And it has *always* been a crave:
As a girl, I dreamed of it, happily, for hours on end...
As a teenager, I shaped myself for it, and worked towards making it happen...
As an adult, I've tried to forget it.
All, to no avail.

It actually makes me shaky to try to analyze this feeling - like I'm doing something wrong, just because I Want. Is this what coveting is??
Sometimes I read over my old journals. I sigh for the innocence and wince at the grit, and I usually laugh at the silly promises I've made...
But one thing invariably stops me in my tracks:
My enduring desire for LAND.


Here I am, aching and begging, dreaming and wishing...

I know that there is an infinite amount of more important things to want. And so I choose once again to get used to the hurt, to set it in the corner where it lives, while I focus on what really matters: the PEOPLE of this land.
I ask for their souls to be saved and their lives to be blessed. I pray against their pain and hunger and addiction and disease and indifference.
And more than anything, I ask for GOD to be glorified and JESUS to be lifted up.

In the end, there will be heaven.